1. Words of Affirmation – Compliments and words of encouragement
2. Receiving Gifts – Visual symbols of love (purchased or made)
3. Quality Time – Sharing, listening, and participating in
meaningful activities
4. Acts of Service – Doing tasks, taking care of situations,
helping others
5. Physical Touch – From a small touch on the shoulder to a passionate kiss

The languages of love seem simple enough. Yet often, our favorite language to express love and feel love is different than how our spouse, partner or significant other prefers to express and feel love. Imagine a time when you attempted to communicate with a person who does not speak your language! Likewise, if you and a loved one are speaking different languages of love, something gets lost in the translation and it can be damaging to a relationship.

At this point you might ask, “Then how did we end up together in the first place, if we don’t speak the same love language?” Early in our relationships, in our effort to build the love, we try to speak all the languages. Over time, as many of us know, we each settle into our preferred language and these languages may be different.

Consider your relationship now. Are you speaking a love language your loved one understands? To further answer this question, think back over the last few months. Do you often find you complain your loved one doesn’t compliment you like he/she used to or he/she doesn’t seem to help around the house enough? Do you wish he/she would join you in your hobbies at times? Do you miss his/her goodnight kisses? Is it difficult to remember the last gifts you exchanged with each other? Your answers to these questions are clues that the two of you may not be speaking the same language or moreover, are not communicating in each other’s favorite languages of love.

So as your Life Architect, I encourage you both to use the following 8 steps to Become Fluent in Our Languages of Love:

1. Make a list of what makes you feel loved. Just brainstorm, don’t analyze.
2. Group the examples of how you feel loved according to the Five Languages.
3. Discover you favorite language of love by the group with the most examples.
4. Share your list with your loved one.
5. List ways of communicating in your loved one’s favorite language.
6. Practice communicating your love in your loved one’s language for one week.
7. Set a time to take note the difference in your relationship at the end of the week.
8. Revisit your lists monthly to try new ways of communicating your love languages

For more information on incorporating these or other healthy pleasures into your busy lives, contact me through www.atlaslifedesign.com.

Be well until next time …

Dr. Elli, Life Architect
Elysa Roberts, PhD, OTR/L